I write. I dream. I love. a lot… For the longest time I held my breath and waited to write. I was often writing for someone else. But oh shit, now I need me, I need to read what is in my heart and the only way it often escapes is with my pen…so here I am, writing for me.

I have read more in the past 5 months than I ever had and what has helped me the most is other peoples blogs; their season, their chapter, their story. So if this is for you, then welcome! If it’s not, know in a deep rooted love that also, I am so grateful. That sounds weird but really- this level of depth and despair and determination is not for everyone.

I have so many backlogged thoughts that I feel I have to empty to make room for the ‘MORE’. Every morning I sit up by God’s unexplainable grace and whisper MORE because for today, that is what He has decided to give me…MORE. Life looks different right now and my words and notes currently come out as a drunken babbling 2 year old and that is ok I think. Well, hopefully 2 yr olds don’t drink but in my experience they make a whole lot of zero sense but they know what they mean and what they want and for that I give them props. (Also, full disclosure: is a photo of my twin boys drinking a Guinness in Ireland at the age of 2yrs old does in fact exist- I can’t stress this enough I am never judging you).

So I have written years worth into this blog, journals upon journals and yet, they stayed there. Now life showed me that this door needs to be there for someone to open someday. I don’t know who. Maybe you? Anyhow. This is a space that I will write about Braving Up. This was whispered across my soul years ago. I wear baseball caps that say Brave Up # BU that don’t exist anywhere but in the mirror. It holds space for everybody! It is my thumb print that I hope to leave this world. Look in the mirror, see you for all the magic and beauty that exists inside of you, all of it, be brave and Be You.

Yet for now… its starts mid story. It has to be mid because I can’t accept that this is the end. March 28th the doctors gave me until end of summer to live… so end of summer to love. I’m not done loving yet. So here is where I escape for now with a pen translating my soul… to love myself a little deeper in this valley of defeat and to journal all of it. I have experienced the relentless love of the King of of the galaxies and without my Jesus my life would be without color. Life is a mix of many things: for me, its a mix of how desperately I need God and find myself on my knees all hours of the day, how I say Fuck a lot too. I actually started this blog years ago when my soul was smacked with a thought I never would have imagined on my own. ‘Brave the Fuck up’. So yes… this is me- doing just that.